I am innately an open book kind of person. I share…because sharing is caring.
I mean, I am joking, sort of but not really. I do truly feel that if I am going through something or experienced something, there is a high likelihood that someone else did as well. And sharing my own experience, good or bad, it is more likely to help me by finding a like soul that can commiserate and help others not feel alone in their own experience.
With that said, while I have kept this…forum, fairly anonymous, I have also been very careful about sharing anything that involves others in my life, just in case. But writing has always been my outlet. I can pour everything out, work through it and not feel too exposed all at the same time. Balancing my desire to share and heal and the need to protect others has been difficult for me and has resulted in my not posting as regularly as I would like.
I have not worked out a solution just yet but I will “carefully” share where I am at today and hopefully be able to move forward with a bit more openness.
Update of where I am at today
My husband (of 13 years) and I have separated as of this past June. It was my decision, not his, and as a result he chose some retaliatory behavior that has made reconciliation a tad more complicated. That is not to suggest in anyway that our separation was due to him or any actions or behaviors on his part. It was the result of years and years of bad communication and a lack of effort on both of our parts.
I am dedicated to working on my relationship with him, as is he, and I have the utmost faith in our ability to work this out and come back together as a stronger couple. It just may not be as clean of a process as I had hoped for.
With that said, I have good days and bad days. I have days where I feel I am processing everything very well and have a handle on things. And I have days where I eat a bag of Doritos and cry into a few bottles of beer…or a case.
SO – Self Abuse may now contain posts about my attempts to lose the 25 extra pounds I have put on or it may not. Attempts at Survival may contain posts about the fun of rebuilding a marriage or it may not. I don’t know. Here is what I do know, I will be doing both of those things and they will absolutely result in some failures and some successes and one way or another you will benefit from my result by way of my posts and videos.
I look forward to your comments 🙂