Category Archives: Self Abuse

Reader Beware

I am innately an open book kind of person. I share…because sharing is caring.

I mean, I am joking, sort of but not really. I do truly feel that if I am going through something or experienced something, there is a high likelihood that someone else did as well. And sharing my own experience, good or bad, it is more likely to help me by finding a like soul that can commiserate and help others not feel alone in their own experience.

With that said, while I have kept this…forum, fairly anonymous, I have also been very careful about sharing anything that involves others in my life, just in case. But writing has always been my outlet. I can pour everything out, work through it and not feel too exposed all at the same time. Balancing my desire to share and heal and the need to protect others has been difficult for me and has resulted in my not posting as regularly as I would like.

I have not worked out a solution just yet but I will “carefully” share where I am at today and hopefully be able to move forward with a bit more openness.

Update of where I am at today

My husband (of 13 years) and I have separated as of this past June. It was my decision, not his, and as a result he chose some retaliatory behavior that has made reconciliation a tad more complicated. That is not to suggest in anyway that our separation was due to him or any actions or behaviors on his part. It was the result of years and years of bad communication and a lack of effort on both of our parts.

I am dedicated to working on my relationship with him, as is he, and I have the utmost faith in our ability to work this out and come back together as a stronger couple. It just may not be as clean of a process as I had hoped for.

With that said, I have good days and bad days. I have days where I feel I am processing everything very well and have a handle on things. And I have days where I eat a bag of Doritos and cry into a few bottles of beer…or a case.

Reader Beware

SO – Self Abuse may now contain posts about my attempts to lose the 25 extra pounds I have put on or it may not. Attempts at Survival may contain posts about the fun of rebuilding a marriage or it may not. I don’t know. Here is what I do know, I will be doing both of those things and they will absolutely result in some failures and some successes and one way or another you will benefit from my result by way of my posts and videos.

So, Congratulations!

I look forward to your comments ūüôā

2016 Goals

A new year brings new goals. I always find one word to represent my goals for the year. A single word that will help remind me of my goals and direction. My 2016 Goals are…. (drum roll please)

BE

  • Be a business owner
  • Be more organized
  • Be fit
  • Be Happy

We all know our goals need to be measurable and have a dead line. I will go into each of these goals in more detail in a separate post but below is how my success will be measured on December 31, 2017.

Be a business owner

  1. I will have name, pricing and website established for my new business
  2. I will have at least 6 clients
  3. I will be working full time for my new business

Be Organized

  1. I will create and use lists daily
  2. I will hold myself accountable to my list by not ending my day until my list is complete and tomorrows list is made
  3. I will have a tidy home and workspace

Be Fit

  1. I will weight 105 (oh geez, I can’t believe I just told you that)
  2. I will feel and look more toned and energized
  3. I will have a workout routine

Be Happy

  1. I will yell less. (I may need divine intervention on this one)
  2. I will smile more
  3. I will be more appreciative

****As I write each goals description and list I will link it back here ***

I will BE in 2016. I will be a closer version of the me I want to be. What will you do with your new year?

 

 

Death becomes her

I struggled with the idea of reveling too much information about my personal life, where I live, kids names, stuff like that. But to truly understand what it is we are doing here. The pain we are putting ourselves through…the torture we are putting each other through, you have to know some personal information. So with that said, if you read this and think “she can’t even hike such and such mountain without nearly dying, I think I can stalk her and kill her,” to that I say….
Continue reading Death becomes her

Hiking

I survived!!

In preparation for The Phoenix Summit Challenge we stepped up the training a bit. We did 2 mountains this time, Lookout Mountain and North Mountain.

I would like to be able to tell you the trails we took but since they are not marked very clearly, I have no idea. What I do know is that Lookout Mountain was much more pleasant compared to Squaw Peak from the first hike. Having remembered at least some of the items from The Idiots Guide we were off to a much better start.
Continue reading Hiking

I hate my appendix a.k.a. part 2

Surgery goes well I am told. They remove my appendix and the cyst that ended up being on the appendix and my ovary (sorry again boys, that is the last one. I promise)

I wake up feeling VERY ill. I am extremely nauseous. In tremendous pain. And the morphine they are pumping into me seems to make me feel worse.

Continue reading I hate my appendix a.k.a. part 2

Bye Bye Appendix

I have been missing. I know. But I have a great excuse!!

I had to say bye bye to my appendix.

Thursday morning I wake up feeling a bit crappy. Crampy, really. Sorry boys.  I will try to keep girly talk to a minimum.

It was pretty uncomfortable but not enough to keep me from doing what I needed to do. I mention to my girlfriend (the same one from hiking) that I am pretty sure I have a cyst that is rupturing. She disagrees. I continue on my day. Go to bed that evening and wake up at 2:00 AM feeling very very nauseous. I finally fall back to sleep a few hours later.

Continue reading Bye Bye Appendix

Idiots Guide to Smarter Hiking

If you have read about my recent attempt at hiking you understand why I need a list to help make my next hike a little bit smoother. So lets dive right in

Smarter Hiking

  • Wear sunblock
    • I know this one seems obvious…but uh, I am an idiot, so….
  • Wear a sports bra – I don’t think you need me to elaborate on this one, do you?
  • Wear shorts….not freaking jean pants like an idiot
  • Continue reading Idiots Guide to Smarter Hiking

I like going down

I have a best friend who just loves to try new things. She just enjoys life and wants to live it to the fullest. And like many of your friends, I am sure, she loves to bring me down with her….

“I just read this whole article on fasting and how it is soooooo good for you…..let’s do it!”
“Bat shit is the new miracle drug! Let‚Äôs eat it!!”
“….race where you pogo stick for 15 miles……I’ll sign us up”

peerpressure

Continue reading I like going down